Valentino if we could just get back to the question

dbMotionBelinda Eliahu, 866-409-5723 ext orDodge Communications (for dbMotion)Brian Parrish, 770-998-0500, ext. Copyright Business Wire 2009. This is my first article written for Bleacher Report, and is intended as satire.Rudy Valentino is the long term trainer of UFC lightweight champion BJ Penn. He has recently gone on record to accuse welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre of using performance enhancing steroids, an accusation originally levelled by Penn several months ago.You can read what Valentino recently said about GSP in the original article.In an attempt to shed more light on these allegations, "certain people" have recently conducted another interview with Mr Valentino. For obvious reasons this reporter cannot be named, so for the purpose of this article he will be referred to as "Mr.

X".What follows is the transcription of the so-called interview between "Mr X" and BJ Penn trainer Rudy Valentino:Mr. X: So Rudy, recently you have been talking about Georges St-Pierre, claiming that he has been using performance enhancing substances, namely steroids, which combined with the over-use ofVaseline gave GSP an advantage in his fights with BJ Penn.Rudy: This is correct.Mr.X: You also stated that this information was brought to you by someone who had trained with GSP. Obviously we have no reason to doubt your integrity or that of your so-called sources, but given the lack of evidence we want to ask you one more time:Do you think it is possible that GSP does not cheat, and that he is just a better fighter than BJRudy: That is a very good question. Let me just start by pointing out, greasing and juicing are not the only ways in which GSP cheats the system In fact, that is just the tip of the iceberg.Mr X: With respect Mr. Valentino if we could just get back to the question...Rudy: Please, call me Rudy. Certain people who have trained with GSP in the past know all about what he gets up to, and I feel it is my duty to let the people know the truth For example, the shorts he wears when he fights.Mr.

X: You are saying that there is something wrong with his fighting apparelRudy: What I have heard is that other than his gloves, GSP does not actually wear any fighting apparel!Mr. X: Wait, what...Rudy: It might seem shocking at first, but in fact his shorts are merely painted on! Do you really think it is physically possible to wear shorts that are that small without some kind of damage to his man glands! Of course not, that is because down there he is like a clothes shop mannequin.It is so obvious, the evidence is right there in the tapes. He has clearly had his junk removed and painted over so that he can fight without apparel, making him more streamlined and slippy. This gives him a distinct advantage over all other fighters, who generally leave their genitalia intact.Mr. X: Surely you are not actually saying that GSP has had surgery so that he doesn't have to wear shorts in the ringRudy: There are currently no tests for some types of PEC..Mr X: Wait, PECRudy: Performing enhancing castration. Like I said, it is difficult to confirm tests for many types of PEC at the moment, and GSP will continue to get away with it, but if we don't speak up about it then nobody will.We can't prove it right now, we are just saying look at the tapes and make up your own minds about GSP and his so-called package.Mr X: Right uh.. Back to the original question then. Supposing that none of these allegations are confirmed, is it at all possible that GSP is just a better...Rudy: And then there are the baby seals.Mr X: Baby.. SealsRudy: Yep, baby seals Hundreds of them Maybe thousands.